“What in the f*ck are you thinking?”
This is currently the #1 question I’m asked right now at this point in time….and…..what I can say is that I’m 100% compelled and committed to see this journey through. I’ve never been so terrified in all my life, and I’ve been through a lot, I’ve spent YEARS exposing myself to the very things that terrify me.
Grocery shopping….big parties….large crowds….new people….new places…..being 100% out of my element.
Nothing has scared me as much as this other than flashing my silly “thank you” sign to Tony Robbins at his UPW event (best reaction ever….MADE MY YEAR!!) Anyway….This move to Australia tops that in terms of fear intensity levels.
Yea I have a lot of fears, A LOT, but I feel any rational mind person would, but again, I can’t ignore this intense “pull” I’m feeling which is exactly why I feel, although super imperfectly, I’m slowly taking the thousands of steps it’s going to take to get me on the other side of the world…..and then….BOOM….another fear….the fear of relapse under pressure or self-inflicted expectations not aligned with my abilities and goals.
It’s a lot and I’ve been crying a lot. Writing a lot. Thinking way too damn much….and yet…..as I write this. I’m still compelled. Even through the criticism continues to roll in from every direction doubting my intentions and belittling my goal:
Build a life that can be lived on my own terms and provide opportunities for my daughter that I cannot offer her in this environment.
Meaning I can work without fear of losing my job simply because my one boss doesn’t like my personality or weird yet effective ways of doing simple things or get jealous when I DO do things really good. That’s too much individual power for a single person and most bosses become addicts to the power they believe they have other others.
Since I think this way, I’m naturally named, shamed, discredited and discarded. Like I mean nothing, and worst of all, that my efforts mean nothing. Another bullshit belief constantly imposed on me by others.
I know better than to stay in toxic environments and around toxic influences like that.
Living as I currently do is difficult, however, the people and places I left who had control over my comforts and decisions were potentially deadly in terms of their impact on my mental health. No thank you. I fight for me and mine. I chose to take the path with a hell of a lot less material comfort and tons more uncertainty for inner peace and a sense of freedom I have in my life that I didn’t have before.
Best move I ever made. Each day spent away from that toxicity and towards my goals is always worth the “inconveniences” I experience from one day to the next right now. It’s ABSOLUTELY worth it.
Working for my last company landed my ass in the hospital for a week. Yes, and this was “after all I’ve done” The people within their positions were so bad it triggered a complete mental breakdown complete with multiple anti-depressants and some meds I still can’t pronounce.
I was one of the lucky ones… I recovered fully from after constant intense treatments over the course of 4 years and support from the few that do have love and light towards me. That’s why I lived.
I don’t ever want to have to endure that ever again, and moving to Australia could be the catalytic factor needed to make that very simple dream become a profound reality. Their culture is different than ours and I’m hoping those differences will make all the difference when it comes to my particular journey.
POLYKINETICS TEMPO TRAINING 