I walked more than 500,000 steps in 31 days and this is what happened.

I’m starting off with saying…


Yep I said it.

So let’s get into why…..

So I have some time before I jet off to Australia and I was talking with my partner which somehow ended up with him gifting me a pretty cool smart tracking pedometer that allows me to track a slew of different physical activities, as well as, heart rate which is particularly useful considering I have challenges with tachycardia and MUST be careful and conscious about the stress I put my heart under regardless of my physical activity.

Now, pretty shocking perhaps to know, but I’ve never exclusively used a pedometer before or even greatly tracked any of my fitness progresses in terms of what my partner has been teaching me about how to conduct a proper experiment and what measurements I need to be focusing on.

So I get the pedometer in the mail, charge it, and almost instantly I become obsessed with tracking literally my “every step” from the moment I woke up to the moment I passed out simply to see if I was as active as I thought I was from one day to the next….


I wasn’t.



But now I know so…

….moving on…

Now anyone who knows me intimately knows I only do THE MOST SIMPLISTIC AND SAFEST EXERCISES ON EARTH BECAUSE I’M NOT OUT TO LOOK LIKE AN INSTAGRAM BADASS. My energy is very limited from one moment in time throughout the day and I need to keep exercise related injury risks and stress related frustrations to an absolute minimal.

….and if we are going to take a moment to get super honest…

I don’t even love exercising.

Sorry not sorry?

It’s damn painful, but absolutely necessary to keeping my ass physically and mentally BALANCED

….so there we go. I do it out of necessity, not out of admiration. Moving on….

Conventional walking

To rack up as many steps as possible, I take every opportunity to walk. I’m walking to and from the grocery and convenience stores, the post office, around the local park and my subdivision for the most part and my speed is at a moderate to high intensity….meaning….I’m not just casually walking like someone strolling by a department store window sale, I’m hauling serious ass and going as fast as my little ass legs can possibly go without any obvious excessive risk of injuring myself (no running or silliness).

I challenged my ability but I didn’t let my ego overrun my ass. For the first week my legs and core were sore every day, but never to a point where I’m in tears or needing to take anything for pain management other than a nice massage and salt bath.

Throughout the whole month I took time off when I felt I needed it but only then. I didn’t always hit my 14,600 step goal, but I WAS active for several miles every single day, just simply at different intensity levels, which is to be expected.


So here we go….500,000 steps in 31 days

WEEK 1 AKA Hell Week

The entire first week really was the hardest part. I got pains in my shins, my chest was tight every damn time I walked, super sore everywhere, and making it to the closest CVS store mentally felt like a serious challenge, especially considering the weather which was freezing cold in the mornings when I chose to start all this…I even made a video complaining about it for Day 2.

Anyway….I sucked it up far from graciously and stoic, but I DID get through it. ALL OF IT.

Here were my numbers for the first week.

Not bad to start, but I still had a long month ahead of me…..I screwed up my errands on Tuesday and ended up walking enough to cover 2 separate days…but hey, it’s not for nothing. Every little bit helps when it comes to exercising and working out in the real world.

Week 2

This was a little physically “easier” than Week 1, but my ego-driven determination to follow through the entire month was kicking into full gear. Making it the most likely time for me to get injured by simply being overly excited about something I’m getting into.

Yes, even too much “happiness, can have very NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES.

Life is wickedly weird.

Now unfortunately, this was the one week I encountered a small glitch with my tracker and the app didn’t record a weekly total but I was able to screen grab most days and it didn’t mess up my monthly or annual totals so the data was not completely lost and still usable for this particular experiment and goal.

Week 3

Confidence is growing and I’m already dropping several pounds and a pant size simply by challenging my body moderately everyday….again…this is walking outside and all around. Absolutely nothing extreme and according to some the absolutely best physical activity you can possibly do…pffff!


Week 4 – I found this week challenging because I had been kicking my ass the entire month and I just wanted to be finished! This was the time when my determination was actually at it’s lowest, but again….persistence persevered and I finished the whole damn month.

And those last few days of March going into April…those were just as tough as the first few because I knew I wasn’t going to stop at the end of the month……..and I didn’t…..I’ve continued the journey in staying true to my original goal (before the idea of getting to my first million steps, which is to get in at least 14,600 steps in everyday and in anyway from March 1st to the day I set my foot onto the plane to fly out to Sydney later on this year.

My final thoughts about walking as exercise.

Look walking is an ideal place to start when you’re rebuilding or first starting a life fitness workout routine. The biggest downfalls were the weather, traffic (I got called plenty of colorful names by passerbys), wildlife (getting pooped on by birds and chased by neighbor’s dogs), and of course the potential for crime (getting hit by a car, attacked by a person, etc….) and not to mention how much TIME I HAD TO COMMIT to walking just get even the few benefits I did get.

Walking will always be a good choice to start any plan. It’s easy and damn near as universal as it gets, but it’s not excuse-proof by any means, and if you hate walking or struggle with the safety problems that I encountered…then that’s when you should probably email me so we can get you setup with Polykinetics because it has all the same benefits as walking, it’s just as simplistic, but with a really great and super safe twist that even glorious walking can’t provide.

And there you go….More than 500,000 moments of movement for the month of March, and I’m currently working on April where I hope to hit ONE MILLION STEPS by May 1st!

Wish me luck and feel free to follow my progress and random bitch fits on my Facebook or Instagram and let me know about your moments of movement that keep your mental health optimized!

I’d love to hear from you! xx

Day 4 of breakdown and Day 1 for Polykinetics!

Originally published in October 2014.

Day 4 — I began doing “the method” every day. I didn’t do “rest days” there was too much pain to even remotely “sit still”

This was a time to work!!

I knew I had one hell of a high mountain to climb in order to get myself in better shape than what I was before I had my daughter.

Only this time around, I was dead-set on being FIT, not skinny.

Big difference between the two, and I knew I wanted to be solid and strong, not feeling weak and fragile, apologies for the bluntness, but it comes with the territory.

Before my daughter, I was THIN, not physically strong nor empowered mentally. Me today (2014) could very well kick 2008 Me’s ass….EASILY.

That being my first long-term fitness goal.

Naturally that’s where I started!

I knew “fit” didn’t really have a super specified weight number attached to it so this was my first step in my own fitness progress and method development and breaking the facade of perfectionism.

I just thought…. “get as close as you can”

But first….Simplify the overall process.

I hated counting.

It would confuse me horribly and made me too easily aggravated and discouraged! Same feelings when I would do those popular DVD sets, lose track and would get easily discouraged and give up!

Being diagnosed: Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Body dysmorphic disorder, clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder, and just recently the term “bipolar disorder” came into conversations with my doctor…my brain was colorful indeed.

Counting was one of my absolute hates. It was a horrible OCD trigger for me. I would start counting how many curls I would do with this arm, then having to count again for the other…., lose count or doubt myself on what number I was on while trying to process the pain


I didn’t end up with a beneficial workout, I’d end up being royally pissed off, and I felt that if I lost count, that I would have to start all over again.

Therefore, I just found the way to keep the presence of numbers and counting down to an absolute minimal!! By kicking all the mainstream-fitness counting (sets, reps) to the curb was a big step in simplifying the overall fitness process and honestly, a very easy strategy to implement that made me crazy-happy.

To this day, I still don’t use counting in my method in a conventional sense. The opposite of mainstream.

By eliminating the conventional “counting”, it allowed my brain the freedom to stop focusing on numbers and start focusing more INTENSELY on my body’s movements and the best of the music.

Not needing to count was a tremendous help for me in particular, yet, it was a big contradicting strategy to the mainstream gym fanatics. They were guided by counting sets, I was being guided by counting SONGS!

The skepticism really began to take off after I took out the counting aspect of my method, which made for fun times on Twitter!

As I was physically “testing” my fitness method theory, I began researching the core principles as well. I was experiencing many different changes that I wasn’t expecting.

Again, I didn’t know the “why” or “how” at this point; all I knew was that I was noticing these changes on 3 levels: physically, mentally and affective-ly within the first WEEK!

This was my first “clue” that this could potentially be a poly-beneficial fitness method (full pun intended!)…..with the universal medium, being music itself.

I knew music was a universal interest between everyone on earth, regardless of the genre or style. Everyone had their favorite type of music, as did I.

I just didn’t realize how horribly underutilized it actually was within the fitness world, both neurologically and affectingly.

Conventional methods would just use it to pass time during sets and reps; maybe motivate them a little, or choreograph difficult and complex “dance-like” routines to it (*cough* So many!!!) Whereas, I was using these songs as a complete fitness “dictator” for my entire method.

Music would dictate multiple aspects of my workouts from the moves that were chosen, to speed and the overall difficulty level of a particular melodic exercise. Music was that vital medium that pulled all of those factors together in perfect harmony!

Looking deeper than the surface, I was determined to know the “hidden benefits” of utilizing music in the unique way that I was in terms of emotionally-charging my workout sessions.

This part of my research sent me into a crash course of basic neurology and musicology that eventually lead me to a neuropsychologist from Dartmouth and a music-providing website operated by a group based in Paris, France that would utilize the same music/mood principle as I was within my method.

Both were intrigued that I had designed a form of physical fitness focusing on these underutilized powers that music had to offer. No one can deny how a song has the power to change someones mood. That science was proven long before this method even existed, again, I was just implementing the same knowledge, but in a different way.

So at this point I had the simplistic moves, the universal connector and motivator of music, and being a martial artist from a military (Marines) family, I had the “work hard”, “push yourself” mentality and mindset that came with it.

There were my 3 core principles of The S.E.L.F Method’s foundation


I knew my results came from the combination of all 3 core principles, not just one or two of them, but ALL 3!

I naturally started looking into the moves first….

I instinctively knew “the moves” I was using had to do with basic physics!

So having infinite knowledge at my fingertips, I googled “physics” and I researched various branches of that science. I then, stumbled upon the basics of “potential and KINETIC energy”

This began “clicking” with me to what was so profoundly effective about these concentrated calisthenic styled movements within my method. I wanted to learn as much about physics as I possibly could, with my focus being on potential and kinetic energy….this is a snippet via wikipedia.com that lead me deeper into learning about this branch of physics…

In physics, potential energy is the energy stored in an object due to its position in a force field or in a system due to its configuration.[1] [2] Common types include the gravitational potential energy of an object that depends on its vertical position and mass, the elastic potential energy of an extended spring, and the electric potential energy of a charge in an electric field. The SI unit for energy is the joule (symbol J).

Even though I had never had any formal education in physics, this information was beginning to make a lot of sense to me. I knew I was simply applying this information from an “internal” perspective…..the internal mechanics of the human body. This was my first MAJOR clue in realizing that my method was, in fact, science-based and not a delusional affect of my intense mental state of the domestic fight that sparked it.

When I read the words, “vertical position”, that made me smile. My “base move” was performed from a vertical body position since one of my excuses on my list (mentioned in my last blog post) was that I hated to get up and down off the floor.

When you’re overweight, that takes a massive amount of energy to do, silly to hear, but very true. That’s how I knew my “bouncing” exercise had some scientific clout to it, and to continue to always keep the body’s position…..vertical!

Finally, crossing off yet another excuse from that initial list of hates. This was a great piece of evidence to find!

I then interpreted the term “elastic potential energy” to how I would “hold” my upper body and arm positions while I would do this vertical “core crunching beat bouncing” drill in a a static-balance position (stationary)

The “elastic” term, to me, was my actual muscle fibers and tendons. Same info, slightly different perspective, I began to see that small condensed movements did in fact equal BIG DIFFERENCES in terms of doing more (burning more fat) by doing less (no complexities) Indeed, a fitness paradox was beginning to emerge, and the skepticism was continuing to grow! These doubts only fueled my determination to continue my work.

They were ultimately telling me with their doubts that my method was very “different” than what they had seen or used in the past. Mentally, it gave me a positive reinforcement from a negative source. This was where I began using the tag line “No Pain In Vain” (slight change from the conventional No pain, no gain attitude, which according to the CDC, isn’t true)

My family members were my biggest skeptics. They loved using excuses more than I did, and they hated that I was determined to create a fitness method that would destroy those excuses one by one, and i succeeded at that goal with each passing day!

Throughout the doubts, skeptics and negative influences I was getting; I continued on with my research into my moves and potential energy. One step lead me to another. Potential energy lead me to “kinetic energy”, where I found another website (physicsclassroom.com) that provided me with much more of the information, and explained it simply enough to where I could easily follow and understand it….love it!

Here is a small sample of what I found. The words in brackets is how I was literally comparing the information directly with what I was physically doing with my body during my workouts. This information would later lead myself and a friend to coin a name for the physical technique of my method as “POLYKINETICS“,

Kinetic energy is the energy of motion. An object [my body] that has motion – whether it is vertical or horizontal motion [I chose vertical] – has kinetic energy. There are many forms of kinetic energy – vibrational (the energy due to vibrational motion), rotational (the energy due to rotational motion), and translational (the energy due to motion from one location to another)..”
“The energy that an object has depends upon two variables:the mass (m) of the object [mass to me being fat/muscle/etc] and the speed (v) of the object [keyword: SPEED!]. The following equation is used to represent the kinetic energy (KE) of an object.KE = 0.5 • m • v2

where m = mass of object, v = speed of object.

A huge light bulb went off in my brain. I knew on the absolute basic level, this was the type of “motion” I was utilizing.

This information also told me that there was nothing special about the actual moves themselves. They were just basic, well-known calisthenics that anyone with even the slightest athletic background of any kind, could simplistically follow (squats/leg lifts/simple arm movements)

It was in fact, HOW I was doing these movements; combining the aspects of speed and the 3 levels of INTENSITY, was where the real magic was being made.

Now I knew, simplistic positioning (keeping the positioning always vertical), intensity and speed change-ups would be the only aspects of the moves that would change, allowing the moves that were utilized to …..remain the same.

No needing to get caught up in complex routines (cough *insanity*) or weight training sessions like P90X. Those to me, were far from simplistic in nature, and at my starting point, complexity wasn’t a logical option. I knew simplistic was MY KEY!

My research was the only part of my method that was becoming complex; yet the moves, continued to remain….physically simplistic!


I began seeing noticeable changes within just 12 consecutive days!

By the time I had gathered my basic science knowledge….3 weeks had past since beginning the testing of “will this actually work” theory, and I felt at that time.

I was ready to take my first progress picture even though it had ONLY been 3 weeks into my journey! Little did I realize what I was about to see!! I knew my body felt a bit different.

I had more mobility and energy, that didn’t shock me as badly as the progress picture SHOCKED me! Included below is also my 60-day progress picture!

Results don’t lie, and after I saw my body from an “outside perspective”, the perspective being a photo….I knew I had the definite proof that my method not only worked, but worked on profound levels that I had no idea were even possible, and according to my skeptics, they didn’t know were possible either!

Keep in mind: this is ONLY a 16lbs difference.

Small moves = big results!
Small changes = big differences!

My skeptics quickly turned into believers…….No extreme dieting, No counting, No complexities, No more valid excuses to use.

I had successfully proven my theory and created an ultimate method and weapon, and not to mention, completely rebuilt my entire fitness foundation and life in less than 60 days!

Simplicity = moves

Harmony = music

Opportunity = mentality

Thank you!

Australian Scientific Study is Crazy Close to American Polykinetics Method – Frontiers

Here is the full study.

Feel free to let me know what you think.

The Scientific study – A ‘Music, Mind and Movement’ Program for People With Dementia: Initial Evidence of Improved Cognition” https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01435/full

It’s worth mentioning that Australia has been consistently in the Top 5 countries that actually read what I post on here.

United States is the 1st. Naturally.

Not saying there’s any “copying” in fact, this study does me an outstanding service to my own research which I hope to bring to their table once I get MY ASS TO AUSTRALIA. Perhaps a kick ass collaboration will come from it which would be everything to me when it comes to Polykinetics.

Here’s a graphic to help visualize how small my GLOBAL reach has been over the last seven years.

Top 7 Polykinetics viewers by country from 2021-Today!

This is fantastic news considering MILLIONS in these countries ALONE face intense hardship when confronting something as daunting as a mental illness and/or disorder. It’s fucking scary so hell yea to every single viewer even though there’s only been 4,033 total views ever in the seven years of this wordpress blog being in existence (2014-Today) This makes tracking simpler for me to do because UNLESS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR IT, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO FIND IT. I’m not a millionaire, I don’t next to NOTHING in advertising. I simply add my dots to the dots that I used to created this method.

Although the numbers themselves are super small…I am absolutely grateful for ever single one of these people because I continue to think they’re taking what I’ve learned from others and to what they may learn from me and go on to help others learn hope to cope with something like neurodegenerative disorders such as Alzheimer’s or those like myself with Major Depressive Disorder or people like my dad with Bipolar Disorder (Type 1) who experienced psychosis, and the hundreds of millions out there still needing a way to face fears in a more constructed and safe way than other “gurus” have attempted in the past.

In my world, it’s not what you do, but HOW YOU DO IT that can make ALL THE DIFFERENCE. And yes, I come from a drastically different angle than most. However, this isn’t about being different, it’s about relief and reducing debilitating mental and physical pain and suffering in people’s lives.



They are working with elderly persons with dementia. I have never personally or formally tested Polykinetics on any person with dementia of any kind. I can only speak for myself and what I have been diagnosed with by my doctors: clinical depression (Major Depressive Disorder/MDD), Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), Social Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder and chronic insomnia.

I feel could work for anyone else who also has a “COLORFUL” psychiatric background from surviving some shit that has the power to kill others. I come a very mental health perspective.


From what I could gather. This study is using random, simplified, motor skills tests (9-peg) to the sound of music? Please correct me if I’m wrong…

Polykinetics, music takes on a whole new level and utilizes it as a medium and tool for connecting the brain to the body in what I feel is the best of ways. If the core area of the body is the physical core of the method, the music is the mental core. There’s no “Polykinetics” without music. It’s absolutely critical to the process of physically purging the mental junk we carry with us daily.

What does music do for us?

Music motivates us to move, makes us feel feelings, helps our emotional states become validated by hearing someone sing about our joys and sorrows (music goes all emotional ways), and then there’s all of the neurological studies over the course of decades supporting the improved cognition, motor skills, fine motors skills, memory recall, neuroplasticity!!

Some use it for simple entertaining…in Polykinetics the music tells me how intense a sequence will get, which moves to use, where those moves will change within the sequence, and the lyrics help lay the brickwork for the mindset which can change from one sequence to another. Because that’s how feelings work. They can be fleeting and that’s acknowledged in this method.

Study: Selective music genres used

Polykinetics: Uses all music genres….13 different ones have been tested for compatibility and work beautifully, allowing for MILLIIONS OF CHOICES and COUNTLESS DIFFERENT SEQUENCES since the formula of Polykinetics remains the same no matter if a fast song or slow one. Both are equally challenging in their own ways.

As long as music continues to be produced, Polykinetics will continue to create more movement sequences, which we are going to talk about next….

Difference In Movements Used

Now, honestly, this is where I lose most people because they don’t understand my simple exercises used within Polykinetics which makes for more people to participate and still be challenging on a number of levels.

The moves are simple body weight exercises. The few I have selected for this method, I do because they are the “EASIEST AND MOST EFFFECTIVE” at doing what I need them to do to my body, and how they make me feel. Virtually everybody can do these moves and that’s why I use them.


The key is how the moves are being used to the music that makes the magic of this method. Rhythmically and coordinated. Two basic skills that often go overlooked when speaking in terms of neurobiology and neuropsychology. In my opinion that is.

This is what makes me excited for Polykinetics particularly in terms of my twist on exercise movements is that they have been used since Ancient Greek Times. (AD). “Old information in a new way.” I simply made small “tweaks” to the positioning and direction which made a world of difference in many ways.

None of the “body weight exercise” information was used throughout the entire course of this study. Perhaps that’s a new experiment I can bring to the table for them with my method.


Now this is where the study and I drastically differ. In Polykinetics this pillar of potential is more about instilling a mindset in participants that are encouraging, honest in order to promote genuine self-growth, a sense of accomplishment, and general improvement in mental health status and states. For the elderly particularly, Polykinetics is good fun, helps, improves social engagements since it’s taught much like a “follow-the-leader” game, where they follow the moves to the music and the lyrics of the music helps instill the mindset I mentioned just now.

Here is my 2015 Youtube video I created talking about the concept of Polykinetics. I was homeless when it was recorded. The tickets were given to me by Tony Robbins himself. I had to do a GoFundMe campaign to raise the rest of the funds needed to attend the event.

Bouncing Back From Broken: Level Zero Day 1

The moment I knew that I had to gain control over, not only my mind, but my body as well, was this past January when my husband and I decided to separate after nearly 5 years of marraige.

This was a massive blow to my world.

Within days I was facing some extreme realities, I was eventually going to lose everything I had worked so hard for: the house, car, possessions, my clothing company, and a family life that I had spent countless sleepless days and nights building for the last 5 years…..I knew that everything would slowly, but surely come to an end. I was unfotunately correct.

In the midst of my chaotic mind with its non-stop negativity, I managed to take a long hard look at myself and what I was dealing with physically, emotionally and mentally…….all in all, it wasn’t good.

I saw a young woman who was completely broken on all levels of life. This left me in a state of anger and fear.

I was looking at being a very unattractive, overweight single mom that could barly walk up a single flight of stairs without having to pause mid-way.

How in the hell was I supposed to physically be able to provide for my daughter and be a living example of a healthy human being when I can’t even breathe properly.

The broken life cycle continued…..

I was broken mentally because the separation made me feel that I had failed as a wife and had lost the fantasy of a perfect married life.

This caused me the most mental and emotional distress….non-stop feelings of guilt and doubt flooded every thought.

I was broken emotionally due to a lack of support I was receiving from my family members.

They were very upset at me that I would “walk-away” from a life that THEY found ideal even though, I knew it was in the best interest of myself, our daughter and my exhusband to end our marriage…..and I was broken most critically, physically.

My high-risk pregnancy left me with severed lower abdominal muscles due to an emergency c-section birth, which brought on chronic body pain from my shoulders, back, hips, knees and ankles due to the 100lbs I had gained throughout my pregnancy (gestational diabetes), and horrible difficulties just being able to breathe due to the mass of excess fat surrounding my chest and neck.

Even sitting in a chair was physically uncomfortable for me to do….SITTING!

Which made popping in a typical and complex exercise DVD damn near impossible and even dangerous for me to do.

I WAS AT MY WITS END, but as I looked at my daughter, I knew I no longer had the convenience of just giving up and accepting what my life had become.

I knew that in order to turn my situation around, I had to find the way to mend my broken life.

This reality was what lead me to begin designing what is now known as The S.E.L.F Method and the basic principles of Polykinetics….

…..To be continued

Polykinetics on TikTok!

Yep….Polykinetics is on TikTok. Finally got with it.

Lots of Music. Movement and emotions flying!! And I’m just as bad as I thought I would be at making these videos. But we all gotta start somewhere and hopefully we learn and get better.

A 30 second how to work the upper body from a sitting position. No weights needed, just stay on beat!! 🔥
Showing off the rhythmic up and out exercise move like a true nerd! I’m really bad at doing awesome looking videos. I’m just trying to get the information out there. Other people make it look pretty ❤️
Demonstrating the BFP exercise. Harder than it looks. Use this move with any song just maintain your pace and complete the whole song. Simple 🔥

….my failed attempt at a fitness challenge using my ugly ass kitchen counter and doing countertop push ups. It didn’t catch.

But hey it shows how just staying on a rhythmic pattern can supersize ANY workout within seconds. A hack to human thermodynamics. Rhythmic coordination. Haha.

Another non-viral TikTok post. Hopefully someone finds some value in them. I added my ridiculously on obnoxious light up shoes because why not?
I even use cute empowering quotes for good measure. 💟

So there’s a few posts. If you can find it in your heart…. Shoot me a like and follow and I’ll do the same. ⚛️

Dear Dad I know you’re there even though you’re dead

I feel you all the time and I have throughout most of my life. Sometimes, I was unsure, but others, there was no doubt. I know you’ve been peeking in on me and Madison and I thank you for that. I know you can’t share your spoken wisdom, but feeling that ethereal support is just as amazing especially when there isn’t another living soul around me during those darkest times.

Even though we don’t have the typical relationship, I’ve brought you with me to every single major event and accomplishment I ever had. I even remember fighting with you once when I was a kid when my mom had gotten to me. I screamed at you for not being there to help me….to protect me from those who were hurting me, but that’s when you taught me that I needed to start learning how to do it for myself.

Those were the hardest of years to endure in your absence and yet, I feel that you’re grateful that I didn’t fall under your same fate. That even though you’re dead, you somehow saved me that night, in that moment. A moment, 20-ish years later I still remember so vividly. I remember feeling nothing at all and how terrifying that was to me, more than the pain of dying.

I know I have my moments, but you know what’s in my heart and in my intentions as a person as I try my best to navigate this wild ass experience that I personally don’t really know what to make of one way or the other, however, I’m enjoying learning about your antics over the years and of myself since half of you is me.

Some stories have shocked me, others, not so much, and most are just down right hilarious

I’m definitely your child, just an innovative version in female form who will stop at nothing to help/enhance/improve as many people as I can while I’m here. I’ve helped a few already so I feel my existence isn’t completely for nothing. There some genuine value there, and I know with continued practice, it’ll only get better, but ultimately….I’m going to have to weather the storm to see the rainbow.

Yea….I get it. 🙂

Love you Dad. xx

My Dad, Daniel Parsons, a former police Sergeant with the Maplewood Police Department died of suicide in August 1987. He was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 during a time when most didn’t know what Bipolar disorder was let alone how to treat it properly for the majority of those who suffered from it before the advancements of recent times.

My heart goes out to everyone who had to suffer in silence for DECADES with no options and zero public support due to the OVERWHELMING STIGMA that took so many lives before their time. May everyone who’s been touched by suicide find their way to peace. Much love.

How I Converted Emotional Pain Into Physical Power At Only 8 Years Old

I began my Taekwondo training in 1992 at 8-years-old, along with half-brother who was just a couple years older.

Immediately, I stuck out. And so did my belly.

I was overweight and just one of only a couple of other girls in the entire school since this was during a time when girls participating in male-dominated sports was not remotely popular and even less encouraged by the masses.

Being a girl in a boy’s sport didn’t deter me in the least from learning how to defend myself against the severe bullying I was enduring because of my body size, both in school and at home by the hands of my half-brother.

My safety was constantly attacked, and with nowhere else to turn to but my classes, they became my safe haven from the verbal and physical abuse. My uniform became a metaphorical suit of armor that helped protect me, at least that’s what I would tell myself at every time I’d wear it.

Awaiting my turn in a regional tournament, 13 years old. Reminds me of “Po” from Kung Fu Panda!

I quickly rose through the ranks and with it, a surprising reputation crossing multiple states for being “brutal” in the fighting ring regardless of my short height and robust width. So much so, I was eventually disqualified from female fighting matches all together, and forced to fight the boys due to my “brutal” fighting style which seemed highly unusual, but equally awesome for an angel faced little girl in the mid-90’s.

My accomplishments in Taekwondo seemed to counter the intensity of the pain I was experiencing behind the scenes; pain, very few knew about and even fewer did anything to stop which lead me to start learning how to become my own hero.

The ATA Black Belt Club Patch

After word of my fighting accomplishments began to spread throughout the regional area, I began to have high ranking Masters of ATA actually watch me compete. It was a honor to say the least. My mom couldn’t have been prouder of her little “brut” as I began to be called by spectators. I became her superstar in the ring which only fueled my brother’s hatred for me to which his beatings would become more severe over time.

Eventually, my mom insisted we make a new start and moved us to a new state and new town in Illinois, where we ended up opening our own martial arts school and where my bullying situation went from bad to life-threatening in less than six months after starting the seventh grade at Coolidge Middle School.

The bullying became so rampant and increasingly violent, that as a last chance effort (because by age 12, I was already deeply and secretively suicidal), I managed to make my way onto a daytime talk show in Spring of 1997 (airing that summer) for “Bullied Kids with Extraordinary Talents”. I was one of two guests chosen to appear on the show out of more than 48,000 people who called in about the topic.

My hope was that my appearance on the show would give a different insight to those who were tormenting me, but it didn’t faze them.

Appearing on National television at 12 years old speaking out against bullying whilst leveraging my martial arts badassery

The bullying continued, and took such a toll on me, day after day, mentally and emotionally, that just a few years later after appearing on the show, I attempted to end my life in the bathroom of my mom’s house at 15; luckily, I was unsuccessful, and unfortunately, my survival gave birth to a deep resentment towards everybody, as well as, a deep depression due to school officials threatening me with expulsion (which meant goodbye to any chances of getting into a college and out of the hell hole I was stuck in) if I ever used my martial arts training to defend myself against another student’s attack.

In other words, I was being forced to endure whatever treatment was handed to me without any expectation of justice against my countless attackers.

So that’s what I did, I took it. Day after day, incident after incident racking up bruises and broken bones in and out of the fighting ring. My life at that point was nothing more than a constant battle to simply exist and overflowing with physical blows to my body and brain.

I hung onto my training for guidance throughout it all. All the way up to graduation. Looking back, there’s no doubt in my mind that my martial arts training kept me alive during the most disturbing years of my young life. Where I was being tormented in school halls, I was being praised and paraded as a talented martial artists and instructor. The intensity of my pain was match by the intensity of my pride, and that alone is what saved my life, eventually allowing me to leave my mom’s hell house, the town and all the horrible memories of the last decade of my life behind in the Fall of 2003.

Presidential Towers - Chicago, IL
The apartments contracted to the college I attended. The Presidential Towers, Chicago, IL

When people push misinformation about mental illnesses and disorders everyone loses

Seven years into Polykinetics and it’s finally more mainstream to talk openly about mental illnesses than ever before in human history. Good.

It’s a START!

But there is still much more that needs to be done in terms of awareness and bring forth proper education and therapeutic techniques; including the sharing of personal experiences when speaking about mental health and our individual ways of tackling it. Everyone now is generally encouraged to open up loud-and-proud about any and all mental defects they may have*.

*This is speaking in terms of more western cultures, I’m not ignorant to the intense stigma that still dwells in many other parts of the world

I absolutely love this practice of speaking out and for people to seek out answers to their questions, but to do so intelligently. Don’t peddle bullshit (I’ve been called out myself…I’m no angel here!!) just because it looks pretty with an Instagram filter and it gets 50,000 likes in an hour…Doesn’t make it fact.

Being “liked” isn’t my goal with all of this….it’s to help fight against suffering and stigma against mental illness; as it should be for ANYONE who gets involved in “improving the lives of others” journey.

I went to a college for six (6) months, yet it took me more than 25 YEARS to accumulate the vital life lessons I needed to learn in order to bring forth this very simple, “easy” ass fitness method—It’s not a path to be taken likely if you’re genuinely dedicated to the cause, and not in it for what the cause can reap in terms of fame and fortune. Intention is key!

For me, it’s simple. these are people’s lives, I don’t know them in depth, no, but I know people can suffer greatly, because I have suffered greatly, and I’m tired of seeing it knowing MORE CAN BE DONE. I know I can’t cure anything or completely irradiate suffering altogether, but I CAN do SOMETHING, and my dedication to doing “something” (Polykinetics) has been undying since day one.


I think of the countless people before me who unfortunately lost their life in silence and shame because they were simply unable to go to anyone for any type of help due to the intense level of fear they had of being discriminated against, losing their job, BEING SHUNNED FROM THEIR FAMILY OR CHURCH, teased-and-taunted, and mentally tortured by their own thoughts on a daily basis. I remember the countless stories of the horrendous treatment those before me (before modern advances is psychiatry/psychology and pharmacology) endured at the hands of simple ignorance and sheer HATRED due to piss poor stigmatic information being circulated and debated about those who had little care about the impacts of their impressions.

It was peer-to-peer suffrage on a level I had no idea was even humanly possible to get to….and life proved me to be very ignorant to how the brain works and operates coupled with societies opinions about how the brain SHOULD work and operate, particularly under intense moments of mental stress and anguish aka trauma.

Moments where many times we are making pivotal changes in life one way or the other. Talk about terrifying for even the SANEST of people, let alone those with difficulties and disorders.

The word, “Brutal”, wouldn’t even begin to give that type of experience any justice whatsoever. None. My heart always goes out to the past generations before me who right now are just seeing real progress and advances in a line in science that had the ability to possibly give them a fighting chance at a better quality of life, perhaps save those like my dad, to be given a solid chance like what was given to me and what is now even more possible for my daughter god forbid she develop and disorders later in life.

Above all, we must understand some things are simply out of our control, and we need to learn how to cope with the impacts instead of trying to avoid them all together, because again, pain is apart of the human experience and we can’t escape it.

So again, to every scientific scholar and every independent student who spends any of their time helping the hundreds of millions of people like myself live better lives so we can sit, bitch, moan and complain behind a computer screen…thank you.

As I wipe away some tears and do some breath work *very important!*

So personally, I love people coming forth with their experiences to an extent, but we never talk about the consequences of doing so We simply believe that opening up is always positive, but we have to understand that it’s more daunting of an action than most people realize.


I know many are becoming “aware” of the importance of their mental health along with their physical, however, I’ve witnessed improper information, dangerous experimental practices with no proof backing them up, gossip gatherings that hold little merit in the information….these to me are very dangerous in how we comprehend one of the most complex THINGS on earth, the human brain.

Quality over quantity must always be the standard when improving the fundamental pillars of life itself. I hope for the sake of sanity itself this trend begins to level out as more people are turning to PROPER EDUCATION when it comes to such complex experiences and neurobiological processes so that advancements in this field will continue to advance, and doesn’t get reduced to a sham like the art college I attended all those years ago.

What Are The Benefits Of Doing Polykinetics With Others?

To do Polykinetics, on my own, is one experience; but to do it with others, is a another experience, and a damn good time if I may add.

We always feel better coming out of the session than we did going in…physically and mentally, and since September 2020, I’ve been teaching one-on-one online via Zoom and, I absolutely LOVE the feelings I get when I work with others versus working on my own.

There is this amazing exchange of energy. It’s difficult to actually describe, but something EVERYONE should experience at least once. We “play” off of each others strengths and laugh at each others weaknesses because we both are set to a common goal, and we both want to see the other succeed so we actually end up motivating each other back and forth all the way through the session. Some sequences are more challenging than others, but all fun to do in the company of others all the same

During the most intense sessions, will curse without shame and complain about how this sequence killed our thighs and that sequence killed our ass, and no matter how the physical soreness is, we ALWAYS feel recharged and revamped after a session together than on our own.

This is fantastic news for those who like me, really struggle with social anxiety.

I never thought of my teaching online as a way of facing my biggest fear (being on camera), but now that I think of it, it absolutely is. It was simply being masked by my wanting to teach people this amazing way to workout.

I have been using the time I’ve been working with “E” particularly (for the sake of privacy) to actually help build out how I want to teach Polykinetics from here on. It’s still very much a work in progress. There’s so much growth happening this year already and it’s only February.

It is a massive learning experience and I’ve been working diligently daily to making it to every single session without fail, and maintaining that one bit of consistency to show myself that I can confidently take on more clients without overwhelming myself or foregoing quality.

I’m happy to say that “E” has been practicing Polykinetics for the last 4 months and her skills get sharper every time we meet. During today’s session….during one of the sequences, I dropped my arms, she didn’t.

It’s been amazing to see her skills go from where they were when we first started working together, to seeing where they are today.
The difference is like oil and water and I couldn’t be happier for her.

Why 5 sequences to a workout set

5 sounds nice and complete.

“5 course meal”

“5 star restaurant”

“5 Finger Death Punch” (band)

5 syllables in the word POLYKINETICS

…..so perhaps one sequence per syllables. Haha! I’m not 100% sure other than for time purposes.

Most sessions of mine in the beginning would last between 17-23 minutes which averaged out to be about 5 songs to each session so it simply stuck.

A partial session would be 3 sequences.

What is the longest song ever sequenced in Polykinetics?

This is a song from my younger years….a 90’s song, and an ode to those who produced ridiculously LONG SONGS! Which of course makes them particularly difficult to do in the Polykinetics Method.

The song is “Busy Child” by The Crystal Method and it is 7 MINUTES AND 25 SECONDS LONG

It’s funny because I remember distinctly my mother HATING the name when I told her about the song because she wanted to use it in a martial arts demonstration due to its extended time.

Long songs were always used for either weapons or board breaks in our demonstrations since both took extra time to coordinate and setup and switch out.

Now I use a similar strategy for Polykinetics, but in a slight different way.

Now my first thought to a great song is WHAT MOVES TO USE, and this is where sequencing can get tricky because I have to keep in mind how the body will respond/react to the action signals I’m throwing at it, and if my physical body can maintain the pressure and stress I put it under without hurting myself.

It can takes me minutes or months to sequence a song properly; it simply depends on the song being used.

A lot more goes into sequencing that putting random moves together with music. It’s strategic and methodical because I am out to get a specific reaction in return, and so far, I’ve hit that mark every time I’ve done particularly challenging song such as this one.

Ill make sure to publish the full kinetic breakdown once I’ve got it mastered myself. It’s still progressing as of now.

Here’s the song in case you can’t remember or have never heard it before.

What Do You Do When Music Is Difficult To Listen To?

Not all music is an “instantly happy” trigger for people. Many times, music can have a countereffect in the sense that music not only has the ability to allow us to recall our good memories, consequently, music also works the same for remembering the bad memories too.

That’s simply the power of music in itself, and music like this makes them ideal to use during what’s known as “intense melodic training” sessions. These are triggering sessions to help build resilience against the very things that have the ability to destroy us if we sit back and do nothing about it.

This is a very controlled triggering unlike how others have tried to do similar tactics yet had profoundly negative results. This is not another person triggering another. This is letting music do the triggering, and that DOES have a far better effect than peer-to-peer triggering tactics.

For myself, I can’t say how many times music was playing in the background of whatever environment I was in when I became a part of a series of devastating events. That music, that particular song, is imprinted along with that traumatic moment in my life. And in my opinion, it’s THAT music, which is the most difficult to use in sessions; the ones that remind us of things we would many times wish we could forget.

I say confront the pain and let what hurt you, heal you. One melodic beat at a time.